Misconception

I wrote an essay for my online class a while back, and it really hits a tender subject for me. I edited it a little bit, but I am posting it because I think what is in here needs to be said. If not for anything else, for my sake. Here it is...

There are many people with nervous habits. In fact, everyone has most likely had one at a certain point in their life. Some people cannot help these ‘habits,’ however. These individuals have Tourette Syndrome. Many have joked that they have Tourettes, but I am here to tell you that it is not a laughing matter. How can I say this? Well, I have Tourette Syndrome.

I am not an expert on the scientific side of this impairment, but I can tell you that it is caused when signals from the brain to the nerves are interrupted, causing irritating tics. I am not here to talk about science, though. I am going to tell you about the emotional and social effects of Tourettes. Many people misjudge Tourettes and assume that we swear and hurt ourselves constantly. While there are cases like these, most are not this severe.

I know two other people with Tourettes: my brother and a friend from church. All three of us have mild cases, but my brother Michael and I have been asked awkward questions and some people were on the border of making fun. By God’s grace, my parents had already decided to homeschool us when we started to show signs of Tourettes. Michael struggles with paying attention in school and has some stammering problems. When I get upset, my tics become more noticeable. These factors probably would have given us troubles. Thankfully, God has placed us in a church where everyone is accepting of us.

Many people call Tourettes a handicap. In fact, I called it an impairment at the beginning of the essay. There is a song by Jason Gray called “More Like Falling In Love,” and in it he talks about how rules, lines, and obligations will easily be broken, crossed, and forgotten. Jason Gray has a stuttering problem. Neither of us can live up to the expectations of others. Jason explains that he is living his faith as a response to God’s love, and he uses his ‘handicap’ as an example of what God can do if you just let Him.

My youth group sings a song called “At the Foot of the Cross.” It uses the beautiful word picture from Isaiah 61:3 that says, “To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the LORD, that he might be glorified.” The lyrics say that “I’ll trade these ashes in for beauty.” My intention is to use this so-called ‘handicap’ as a way of glorifying God. My Tourettes used to be my ash, but it is now something beautiful. I have begun to open up more about how it affects me. I couldn’t have done that without God’s grace. Many people misjudge Tourettes and assume that we swear and hurt ourselves constantly. I just proved them wrong. We are humans, just like everyone else.

Give me rules, I will break them. Give me lines, I will cross them. I need more than a truth to believe. I need a truth that lives, moves and breathes to sweep me off my feet. It’s gotta be more like fallin’ in love than something to believe in. More like losin’ my heart than giving my allegiance. Called up, called out, come take a look at me now. It’s like I’m fallin’ in love.

I’ll trade these ashes in for beauty and wear forgiveness like a crown. Coming to kiss the feet of mercy, I lay every burden down at the foot of the cross.

You make me new, You are making me new. You make me new, You are making me new. You make beautiful things, You make beautiful things out of the dust. You make beautiful things, You make beautiful things out of us.