Finally confessing...and finding healing.
Sometimes I run across a song that triggers a memory that evokes more emotion inside of me than I was expecting. While scrolling through a Spotify playlist in search of music to play while I wrote this post, I saw this song on the bottom of the list.
"Appalachian Wine" by Eleventyseven was more than likely played at least five times as often as nearly all of my other music choices over the past two or three months. There was something about the chorus that never failed to force my tear ducts to work overtime. I remember many an evening when I felt like I was sinking in darkness and I sat on the floor in front of Brianne's futon with this song blasting through my headphones at a louder volume than what was healthy.
Although the lyrics had meaning that I could not ignore, I typically became lost in Matt Langston's voice and how it blended with the melody of the song. I won't pretend to understand music, but I can certainly tell you that the confusion and pain that ripped at my heart were temporarily soothed by the sounds travelling from my headphones to my ears. In a time when I often forgot to ask my Father for comfort, He sent me the music that pushed me into the next morning, the next class, the next difficult night of filming. He took care of me when I took my eyes off Him and He held me when I landed on my butt as a result.
I'm not where I should be yet, but I didn't want to ignore the last four months of my life and lead anyone to believe that those were spiritually healthy. I got so focused on how busy I was that I didn't just turn my head away--I closed my eyes for a minute. The more I learned about film editing, the less I remembered to thank God for giving me a brain that understands it. Every time another responsibility landed on my shoulders, I allowed more stress to build and more darkness to settle in my head. Things exploded in my face a few times, and I tried to deal with it alone, even after Julia and Brianne reminded me on separate occasions to rely on God to mend my brokenness.
Hearing "Appalachian Wine" tonight reminded me of how far I fell and how much it hurt to lie there wounded. I'm still healing from that fall; I know I will never be the same because of it. But I think that's a good thing. I have one more song for you--one that made me think rather than temporarily forget.
"Drifter" by Mike Mains and the Branches is probably one of my top five worship songs. Ever. The lyrics have a rich beauty that I respect and desire to make my prayer every day.
Thanks for reading, my friends. Please continue to pray for me this summer. I'll be back with camp updates in the near future.
God loves me, and God's love is enough.
Although the lyrics had meaning that I could not ignore, I typically became lost in Matt Langston's voice and how it blended with the melody of the song. I won't pretend to understand music, but I can certainly tell you that the confusion and pain that ripped at my heart were temporarily soothed by the sounds travelling from my headphones to my ears. In a time when I often forgot to ask my Father for comfort, He sent me the music that pushed me into the next morning, the next class, the next difficult night of filming. He took care of me when I took my eyes off Him and He held me when I landed on my butt as a result.
I'm not where I should be yet, but I didn't want to ignore the last four months of my life and lead anyone to believe that those were spiritually healthy. I got so focused on how busy I was that I didn't just turn my head away--I closed my eyes for a minute. The more I learned about film editing, the less I remembered to thank God for giving me a brain that understands it. Every time another responsibility landed on my shoulders, I allowed more stress to build and more darkness to settle in my head. Things exploded in my face a few times, and I tried to deal with it alone, even after Julia and Brianne reminded me on separate occasions to rely on God to mend my brokenness.
Hearing "Appalachian Wine" tonight reminded me of how far I fell and how much it hurt to lie there wounded. I'm still healing from that fall; I know I will never be the same because of it. But I think that's a good thing. I have one more song for you--one that made me think rather than temporarily forget.
Thanks for reading, my friends. Please continue to pray for me this summer. I'll be back with camp updates in the near future.
God loves me, and God's love is enough.
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