Seasons of readiness.

Camp ended today.

I realize that some of my camp family was ready for this day, but I was not. I stood in the dish room this morning and scrubbed hash brown pans with a weariness I hadn't felt in weeks. While sitting in chapel next to Jess, I kept my head down to hide tears that I couldn't stop. During the noon meal, I sat alone at a section of one of the tables and watched people with a surreal sensation lurking in the pit of my stomach. After lunch, I hugged so many people and waved goodbye to even more...and wiped away those stubborn tears as I watched a red car take away one of my best friends here. As I walked out to the farm with a plan to clean out the barn one final time, I breathed more deep sighs than usual.

While most of us who remained at camp sat at Pizza Hut tonight, I looked down the tables and studied people I have grown to love deeply. Pictures were being snapped on smart phones and cards were being tossed onto the table. Conversation was being passed across plates of Hawaiian pizza and tensions from earlier that day were slowly diffusing. My eyes stung, but this time it was from the onion fumes in the air.

Some of the people had sat with me through my darkest moments--Michael, my triad partners, my bunkmates. Others were coworkers in the dish room and people who had thrown a ball over the Schism net with me. Tomorrow...today, if you are looking at the time...most of us will leave this safe Haven.

I will leave this safe Haven and descend to lower altitudes and prepare to rise to the occasion as my stress level rises in less than two weeks as school begins again. I am not ready to go back to the real world, but I am ready to rest.

I am ready to dash across campus barefoot with video equipment in order to film RED411 videos before the Sunday deadline. I am ready to laugh hysterically in the cafeteria at inside jokes again. I am ready to sit at a date table with my Briannester and talk about how our camp experiences stretched us. I am ready to shoot six films in less than two months in order to produce them all by spring.

I am ready to love people well and not selfishly.

My heart aches tonight, my friends. But my soul has been soothed countless times this summer by the unpredictable love of others.

The video for this post is "Everything's Gonna Be Alright" by Mike Mains & The Branches. I suspect that this one might be a repeat, but I could be wrong and regardless of the reality, the song fits tonight. The next time I post will be from a farm in Iowa. Crazy.

God loves me, and God's love is enough.