I'm back and this time, I'm not sorry.
Weeks ago, I resolved to blog once a week, something I haven't done since I was a sophomore in college. It used to be an outlet for me when I worked at Haven my second summer; it provided some method of promotion when I was shooting the TENTS project. Of course, talking about coming back to writing has been a bad habit of mine for some time now. I mentioned this more than a year ago, but I'll reiterate my struggle with writing since graduating has been first burn out, later lack of desire. I could blame it on having no creative inspiration, but I used to deliver food for a living, so that would be a lot of nonsense. I'm certainly not out of words...I'm a Johnson and we never have that problem. :)
Months of running from my ability has finally brought me to a reality checkpoint: I've been terrified to write again. My views on social issues have evolved multiple times since I wrote every week. I found it easy to wax poetic when most of my readers were people from home who would like my Facebook post and validate my writing gifts...because I was writing things they liked to hear. I never really stepped on toes. The few times that I have written a post that made people uncomfortable, the knot in my stomach grew with the knowledge that I might have built a barrier where previously there had been a valley.
It's 2019 now. I've made a few changes in my mindset over the past few months leading up to this new year, and I think it's time to address those changes on a platform that isn't private. Hold onto your prayer closet doorknobs, babies, because you might be running in to express your concerns to the Lord in a minute here.
1. The approval of my former mentors does not define my current life. Oops, I should have said this wouldn't be in order of easiest to digest to hardest to swallow. I guess we've hit the gristle before the drinks were poured. Let me be clear: this is not an easy mindset to put myself in, no matter how long I pray myself through it. There are women in my life who have been with me since I was in middle school, and I will continue to value and respect their opinions above most. However, I have spent the first few years of my adult life clinging to the hope that these people would eventually return to the spot they used to have in my advice schedule, which really hindered my growth as a follower of Jesus. Every time my view on an issue began to deviate from that of my mentors, I would second guess the change. This isn't a sustainable practice as I plant roots and ask questions. It's time to be confident in my wonderings and wanderings through faith.
2. Sometimes I say bad words, and sometimes those bad words will be in my writing. I know, homeschooled Justine is judging me more than you might be. Or hey, maybe you aren't judging me for that. I'm grown up now and my audience is mostly grown up, too. I'm not going to be foul or crass, I promise (really, Mom, I promise you that). But let's be honest, with the evolution of my social views came an evolution of my understanding of language and its impact on society. Those two years of rhetorical study must have paid off.
3. I will not apologize for my empathy, even if it makes someone uncomfortable. I suppose I haven't actually apologized for this in the past, but I certainly did some tip toeing around what I really believe is unjust for fear of isolating parts of an audience. Oppressed peoples take top priority in my empathetic heart, and every person holds equal value in my eyes. I will use proper pronouns when they are clarified and pick people over patriotic sacrament. And just so we are clear, I identify as she/her, but not everyone I love does...and I think that's beautiful. There goes part of my audience...have a lovely day!
As for things that have improved rather than changed...I freaking love my church. For the first time since high school, I feel both safe and seen every time I walk through the doors. It took me five years to get here, but I finally don't dread Sunday mornings anymore. Also, Jesus is still more than great. I'm constantly learning more about what being like Christ actually means in 21st century America. That'll definitely come up in the future, so be on the lookout.
I'm making art this year, by the way. The trusty Canon t6i will be capturing both still and moving images, and my new smartphone has a real, nice camera for the times I can't use my DSLR. Obviously I will be writing here now, but besides that, Barely Millennials is just getting started and I am beyond excited. If you don't know what that is, I'm pumped for you to find out in 2019. I'm still posting a video every day on my YouTube channel...sometimes those are just little clips of my day, other times I actually talk about a subject that I've been mulling over. ALSO my unofficial production company, Parentheses Productions, will be continuing to become a place to create for me and the sib sibs. There are whispers of a hopeful script development for a mockumentary (feel free to shoot me some ideas on that one) and eventually a podcast. But you didn't hear that from me, of course.
Did you make it this far? Wow. I hope you didn't skim this blog. It took a while to write, you know. Remember when I always ended blogs with a song recommendation? Well, I'm freezing my toes off in this January weather, so here's a warm leel jam from one of my all time favorite bands. Peace out, babies. See you next week.
Mike Mains & The Branches - Endless Summer
Months of running from my ability has finally brought me to a reality checkpoint: I've been terrified to write again. My views on social issues have evolved multiple times since I wrote every week. I found it easy to wax poetic when most of my readers were people from home who would like my Facebook post and validate my writing gifts...because I was writing things they liked to hear. I never really stepped on toes. The few times that I have written a post that made people uncomfortable, the knot in my stomach grew with the knowledge that I might have built a barrier where previously there had been a valley.
It's 2019 now. I've made a few changes in my mindset over the past few months leading up to this new year, and I think it's time to address those changes on a platform that isn't private. Hold onto your prayer closet doorknobs, babies, because you might be running in to express your concerns to the Lord in a minute here.
1. The approval of my former mentors does not define my current life. Oops, I should have said this wouldn't be in order of easiest to digest to hardest to swallow. I guess we've hit the gristle before the drinks were poured. Let me be clear: this is not an easy mindset to put myself in, no matter how long I pray myself through it. There are women in my life who have been with me since I was in middle school, and I will continue to value and respect their opinions above most. However, I have spent the first few years of my adult life clinging to the hope that these people would eventually return to the spot they used to have in my advice schedule, which really hindered my growth as a follower of Jesus. Every time my view on an issue began to deviate from that of my mentors, I would second guess the change. This isn't a sustainable practice as I plant roots and ask questions. It's time to be confident in my wonderings and wanderings through faith.
2. Sometimes I say bad words, and sometimes those bad words will be in my writing. I know, homeschooled Justine is judging me more than you might be. Or hey, maybe you aren't judging me for that. I'm grown up now and my audience is mostly grown up, too. I'm not going to be foul or crass, I promise (really, Mom, I promise you that). But let's be honest, with the evolution of my social views came an evolution of my understanding of language and its impact on society. Those two years of rhetorical study must have paid off.
3. I will not apologize for my empathy, even if it makes someone uncomfortable. I suppose I haven't actually apologized for this in the past, but I certainly did some tip toeing around what I really believe is unjust for fear of isolating parts of an audience. Oppressed peoples take top priority in my empathetic heart, and every person holds equal value in my eyes. I will use proper pronouns when they are clarified and pick people over patriotic sacrament. And just so we are clear, I identify as she/her, but not everyone I love does...and I think that's beautiful. There goes part of my audience...have a lovely day!
As for things that have improved rather than changed...I freaking love my church. For the first time since high school, I feel both safe and seen every time I walk through the doors. It took me five years to get here, but I finally don't dread Sunday mornings anymore. Also, Jesus is still more than great. I'm constantly learning more about what being like Christ actually means in 21st century America. That'll definitely come up in the future, so be on the lookout.
I'm making art this year, by the way. The trusty Canon t6i will be capturing both still and moving images, and my new smartphone has a real, nice camera for the times I can't use my DSLR. Obviously I will be writing here now, but besides that, Barely Millennials is just getting started and I am beyond excited. If you don't know what that is, I'm pumped for you to find out in 2019. I'm still posting a video every day on my YouTube channel...sometimes those are just little clips of my day, other times I actually talk about a subject that I've been mulling over. ALSO my unofficial production company, Parentheses Productions, will be continuing to become a place to create for me and the sib sibs. There are whispers of a hopeful script development for a mockumentary (feel free to shoot me some ideas on that one) and eventually a podcast. But you didn't hear that from me, of course.
Did you make it this far? Wow. I hope you didn't skim this blog. It took a while to write, you know. Remember when I always ended blogs with a song recommendation? Well, I'm freezing my toes off in this January weather, so here's a warm leel jam from one of my all time favorite bands. Peace out, babies. See you next week.
Mike Mains & The Branches - Endless Summer
I am proud of you!
ReplyDelete❤❤❤ This means more than you know.
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