Will this get your attention?

Yesterday I read a tweet that struck me:
"My anxious brain: OMG what if they find out about the fact I am ___ or ___ or that I 
believe ___!!
My logical brain: none of these people have control over my life anymore, their opinions do not affect me, I'm safe, I'm an independent adult, I have a support system now."

I don't really know what determined when I decided to jump into writing regularly again. People had been telling me to do it since before I graduated college and I had made a few half-assed attempts to do so, but it never felt good to sit down and be that vulnerable. Jumping into this year with a promise to myself to start writing terrified me, but I knew that vulnerability is what made people tell me in high school that I should be a writer. Combine that with a newfound excitement about the community Jesus had placed me in, and I had zero excuses.

I'd say 90% of my writing this year has been something I felt deep emotions about, regardless of the response I received. A couple weeks ago when I wrote that third church blog, I finally felt like I was digging my heels in for real. While you could say I stepped on some toes with previous opinions and statements, this time I was so convicted to write that despite my trembling, I believe I said the words that truly came from the most fiery place in my heart.

Every Tuesday night, Nat and I drive home from small group and talk about what is stirring in our souls. You may smirk at that phrasing, but I truly mean that our conversations are led by the themes and questions we feel burning inside us. I would say that you'd like to be a fly on the wall for those conversations, but then I would get nervous about what you might think of us. And that leads me back to the tweet I mentioned at the beginning. I can't safely say I am done being worried about how my words will be taken by people who don't agree. That would be irresponsible as a writer and as a follower of Jesus.

However...

The past few weeks, and especially the last several days, I have felt more and more uncomfortable with my own complacency on certain topics. It's so easy to like a tweet or a Facebook post from someone else without using your own words to convey that you agree. In my case, all I have to do is send my thoughts to any of the 20 different sib sibs group chats and I'll get some sort of validation. But if I am avoiding being honest about parts of myself, I am not fully celebrating my identity in Christ.

I'd be lying if I said I'm not terrified to be honest with people about everything in my head. And I am certainly not promising to do so with everyone. I don't have anything even close to figured out. I've been taking baby steps towards being more honest, though...one conversation at a time, one carefully worded post at a time. This blog will represent the parts I feel safe to share, but I have never wanted it to be the stopping point of the dialogue.

If you find yourself on the receiving end of my words, know it is because you have shown yourself to be safe and I love you.

Oh, and speaking of safe...happy Pride Month. Know you're safe with me no matter what.