Final Days
Only 2 days left in my first year at Northwestern. Just reading those words back to myself makes the ache in my throat grow more pronounced. My brain is screaming for me to deny the truth; my heart is trembling with a nervous tension that continues to build. I've been repeatedly on the verge of tears without success for days now. I think a part of me is still convinced that crying will make it all better.
I am so ready to leave the tension I have experienced this semester, but I am so not ready to leave college life for a summer. The longer I am here, the more obvious it is to me that I am right where God wants me.
I'm excited to room with Brianne next year; living on 3S instead of 3N will be a change of pace that I suspect is coming just in time. I know I promised myself a few months ago that I wouldn't post about certain things, but I've gotta be blunt: this semester has been absolutely awful and I am ready for a fresh start.
I danced--like, actually moved my body in ways that made me feel awkward--with fifty-some people on the Steggy Green tonight. I still can't believe I was willing to do it, but I will admit that it was fun. I'm not planning on a repeat performance anytime soon, however. :)
My theology was thoroughly examined this semester, and I can honestly say that I came out of that class with even stronger convictions than I came to college with. Admittedly, there is quite a bit of bitter baggage to drop off at the door when I go home, but at least I know what I don't believe in as well. I made it--I made it through two semesters of Calvinist theology-based teaching of the Bible without any previous experience to fall back on. Not everyone will find that impressive, but let me tell you: I was mighty frustrated and confused a few different times recently. Ask me about it sometime...but only if you want the long version. :)
I have made so many good friendships this semester (and year). Part of the reason why I want fall semester to arrive soon is that I want to spend more time with those people. God makes so many wonderful human beings; I have met a great number of them this year.
So yes, I am still not ready. On one hand, I want to curl up in a ball and bawl my eyes out. On the other hand, I can't seem to do so and I am not sure if it would help anyway. We will see where God takes me this summer--besides to a good deal of graduation parties and a lot of much-needed sibling bonding time.
God loves me, and God's love is enough.
I am so ready to leave the tension I have experienced this semester, but I am so not ready to leave college life for a summer. The longer I am here, the more obvious it is to me that I am right where God wants me.
I'm excited to room with Brianne next year; living on 3S instead of 3N will be a change of pace that I suspect is coming just in time. I know I promised myself a few months ago that I wouldn't post about certain things, but I've gotta be blunt: this semester has been absolutely awful and I am ready for a fresh start.
I danced--like, actually moved my body in ways that made me feel awkward--with fifty-some people on the Steggy Green tonight. I still can't believe I was willing to do it, but I will admit that it was fun. I'm not planning on a repeat performance anytime soon, however. :)
My theology was thoroughly examined this semester, and I can honestly say that I came out of that class with even stronger convictions than I came to college with. Admittedly, there is quite a bit of bitter baggage to drop off at the door when I go home, but at least I know what I don't believe in as well. I made it--I made it through two semesters of Calvinist theology-based teaching of the Bible without any previous experience to fall back on. Not everyone will find that impressive, but let me tell you: I was mighty frustrated and confused a few different times recently. Ask me about it sometime...but only if you want the long version. :)
I have made so many good friendships this semester (and year). Part of the reason why I want fall semester to arrive soon is that I want to spend more time with those people. God makes so many wonderful human beings; I have met a great number of them this year.
So yes, I am still not ready. On one hand, I want to curl up in a ball and bawl my eyes out. On the other hand, I can't seem to do so and I am not sure if it would help anyway. We will see where God takes me this summer--besides to a good deal of graduation parties and a lot of much-needed sibling bonding time.
God loves me, and God's love is enough.
God heals all in His time! Love you!
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