My Greatest Insecurity

Yesterday in Sunday School was really cool. A bunch of people shared their stories, including me. As I talked about my struggles against anger and my insecurity about how others look at me, I broke down and cried. Now, everyone who knows me very well would tell you that I rarely cry. I just don't like doing it. So this was a really big deal to cry--in public!
I actually hadn't thought very much about my self image until last night. I kinda came to the conclusion that I have always been telling myself a huge lie. For years, I have put on the front that I didn't care what other people thought of me. In fact, I believed it, too. I acted weird and immature and told myself it didn't matter if I was rejected for who I really am. But for real, it cut very deeply every time someone teased me.
One aspect that hurts more than others is my outward appearance. I have been called a tomboy, not girly enough, and even an actual guy. While I joke about being a "guy" all the time, it feels like people are looking at the jeans and t-shirt instead of my loving, accepting personality. Up until last Saturday, I had had long hair since around 2nd or 3rd grade. People have told me numerous times that I should cut it to a more "girly" hair style. I never did. It made me feel uncomfortable when I got that unwanted attention, so I left my hair long, mostly out of spite.
I haven't owned a dress since the one I wore to a wedding back in 2004. That's almost 7 years ago! This, unlike my hairstyle, was purely because I simply do not feel comfortable in a dress. Skirts are okay, but I don't like them very much either. This is another thing that I get a hard time about. People tell me, "You need to look more girly!" or "You look so grown up! Why don't you dress this way more often?" While I don't mind looking "grown up," I would rather be in jeans any day.
Makeup is something that I absolutely despise. I hate the lack of freedom to just go somewhere without checking to be sure my eye liner or blush doesn't need touching up! The main reason why I never wear it is because I have always felt that if I have to wear it to feel pretty, I need to take another look at myself in the mirror, this time with different eyes. I know people say it is supposed to enhance your beauty, but I don't really want to go to all the trouble. While I am WILLING to wear it, I don't want to.
The hardest part of all is that I have always felt like even the people who love me for what I am inside are still nit-picking at my appearance. Even my dearest friends in the world point out my lack of girlyness. It hurts, to be honest. I have one simple question: WHY does it matter? I love me for who I am...and I don't look very girly because I feel uncomfortable when I do. So what if I am a tomboy? That's who I am, and that should be okay.
My goal in life is to live for God, and that should be my only goal. So I am begging you to stop pointing out what I am NOT. God made me this way, and I want so badly to be okay with that. But it is very hard when others tell me it isn't enough.
I'm sorry if I offend anyone, but everything I just said is what I have been feeling my entire life. I still can't believe it is finally out in the open.