Three Days to Revamp
Quite honestly, I am terrified to post anything right now, for fear of saying something horrible or damaging to someone else. But I can't just stop every time my life isn't going awesomely...so I will simply have to edit a bit more from now on.
Okay, so the last few days have been interesting...and not always in a good way. Everyone has been talking about how much they are ready for spring break, but all I can think of is the day we will come back from it. I am looking forward to home, time spent with church family, and having Ella at home with me for part of the time. But break means that I am halfway done with my second semester of college, and I'm not ready to face that reality right now.
I can feel my body slowly shutting down--not just physically, but emotionally as well. I don't want to hear the constantly spoken phrase "Welcome to college" in response to that, either. I don't care if it is as common as oxygen...it still scares me and it hurts. At this point, all I really want to do is curl up in a ball and ignore the world. That's scary because I love people...and I hate being alone.
Three days until my family comes up here for Michael's Preview Day. The closer it gets, the antsier I become. I am aching for a Natalie hug and a Michael smirk...for a Mama worrying over little details in my room and a Daddy who could talk for hours about anything and everything--and I wouldn't mind at all. It is so weird referring to them as a family of four. I realize that it is the norm now...but I still set the table for five in my head, just to preserve the memory.
Three days until my sister can creeper stare at me until I have to look away in mock-terror. Michael will look all grown up in his new glasses and Natalie's braces will be even cuter than they were when I was home at Christmas. I will still be able to hug Mama around the neck while bending over and resting my chin on her soft curls. Daddy will still make some of the corniest jokes in his inventory, and I will still find them hilarious, even though I have heard them for almost 19 years now.
Three days until I can show my parents that I can shop for my own jeans without spending way too much money...and they actually fit me! Natalie will see the sticky notes that are still on my shelf--right where I placed them after fall and Thanksgiving breaks when she gave them to me at home to bring back with me. Michael will be the very first (and probably only) reason why I will need a hanger on my door knob this year, and I am very proud that he can claim that right as my brother.
Three days for me to get over this wretched fever and this horrible emotional train wreck that I am in right now. Three days for me to prepare for sister snuggle time and brother avoid-physical-touch-at-all-costs-except-for-when-I-hug-him time.
Three days to pull myself together. I can do that, right?
Okay, so the last few days have been interesting...and not always in a good way. Everyone has been talking about how much they are ready for spring break, but all I can think of is the day we will come back from it. I am looking forward to home, time spent with church family, and having Ella at home with me for part of the time. But break means that I am halfway done with my second semester of college, and I'm not ready to face that reality right now.
I can feel my body slowly shutting down--not just physically, but emotionally as well. I don't want to hear the constantly spoken phrase "Welcome to college" in response to that, either. I don't care if it is as common as oxygen...it still scares me and it hurts. At this point, all I really want to do is curl up in a ball and ignore the world. That's scary because I love people...and I hate being alone.
Three days until my family comes up here for Michael's Preview Day. The closer it gets, the antsier I become. I am aching for a Natalie hug and a Michael smirk...for a Mama worrying over little details in my room and a Daddy who could talk for hours about anything and everything--and I wouldn't mind at all. It is so weird referring to them as a family of four. I realize that it is the norm now...but I still set the table for five in my head, just to preserve the memory.
Three days until my sister can creeper stare at me until I have to look away in mock-terror. Michael will look all grown up in his new glasses and Natalie's braces will be even cuter than they were when I was home at Christmas. I will still be able to hug Mama around the neck while bending over and resting my chin on her soft curls. Daddy will still make some of the corniest jokes in his inventory, and I will still find them hilarious, even though I have heard them for almost 19 years now.
Three days until I can show my parents that I can shop for my own jeans without spending way too much money...and they actually fit me! Natalie will see the sticky notes that are still on my shelf--right where I placed them after fall and Thanksgiving breaks when she gave them to me at home to bring back with me. Michael will be the very first (and probably only) reason why I will need a hanger on my door knob this year, and I am very proud that he can claim that right as my brother.
Three days for me to get over this wretched fever and this horrible emotional train wreck that I am in right now. Three days for me to prepare for sister snuggle time and brother avoid-physical-touch-at-all-costs-except-for-when-I-hug-him time.
Three days to pull myself together. I can do that, right?
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