Look Fear in the Face

Typically, things don't scare me.
Today was different. I discovered just how very afraid I am, and I honestly am surprised that I didn't throw up. Yeah, it was that bad.
I'm going to be super cryptic with this post, simply because I'm not ready to talk openly about what I am processing. But here's the deal: I looked my most dreaded thought in the face, and I nearly bolted. Honestly, I am still absolutely terrified. If it weren't for a wonderful person in my life who is practically holding my hand through all of this, I wouldn't even try to face my fear.
At least I'm learning about myself through this. I know now that I will dig in my heels whenever I am forced to face fear alone, but if someone gently pushes me (and doesn't let go), I am willing to at least stand trembling before what is attempting to master me. And that is what happened today...I stood trembling. Not sure how obvious my fear was on the outside, but I realized directly afterwards just how petrified I really was to even take a step in the right direction.
Beginning Monday, I have to walk up to Fear and slap it in the face. I won't be alone...God will be with me, as will the same caring human hand. Even so, I can already see how Satan might persuade me to change my mind...again. After all, how many times have I put off facing Fear simply because I could barely keep my knees from buckling at the very concept? Ah, God will be there, and He will go before me. I have nothing to be afraid of...not even Fear.
With that being said, I must openly state how very grateful I am for that person and what she is willing to do for me. I'm one among three hundred, yet I am more than just part of the daily job. She told me today that she isn't disappointed in me for messing up over and over...nor does she disapprove of me for being afraid to face this until now. I almost cried.
I know deep down inside that other people feel the same way, but no one ever tells me. One of Satan's favorite lies to tell me is that I am a disappointment when I don't take mentors' or friends' advice. I want so much for them to be proud of me...for them to approve of the way I am living daily. Maybe that's a weakness...but perhaps it isn't such a bad goal to strive for. In the end, I am trying to do the right thing, because the advice I actually value comes from people who care about me and want what is best for me.
To summarize what I am feeling and thinking into two sentences, it would look like this:
Thank God for Hannah McBride. I love you, wonderful person.